I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
