I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
