If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
