Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
