yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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