we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
