Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
