just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
