I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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