Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
