I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize