Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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