I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
