i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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