Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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