This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize