Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
