dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
as a side note pls kill me
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