Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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