I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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