I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
