Plan B is the new Plan A
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize