ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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