I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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