I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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