i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
