dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
