i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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