Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
