Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
