you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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