found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
