THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
