My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
