Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
