Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
