She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
