Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Screwed.edu
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
