How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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