well most of my day revolves around power hour
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
