I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They are going to name an STD after you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
