How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
