just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
