my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
