I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
