Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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