I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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