I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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