apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
