Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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