Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
