also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize