i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
