i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
