I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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