if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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