I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
