I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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