sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
