What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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