i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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