I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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