no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize