take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
