omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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