There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
