this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize