You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
