Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize