so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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