In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
