hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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