Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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