I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
