Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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