Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
