I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
