Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
