we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
