All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
