never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
