Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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