remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
