I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
