Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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