separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
