May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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