Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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