In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize