We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My balls are so social today.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
