I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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