my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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