Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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