Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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