The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
