don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
