Already got asked if we're dating
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
