so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
