the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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