coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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