I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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