"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
